Why dating keeps inventing words
Naming something makes it discussable. Before "ghosting" had a name, being dropped without explanation felt like a private humiliation; afterwards it became a shared experience people could laugh about, warn friends about and recognise in their own behaviour.
Many trends cluster around the same tension the psychotherapist Esther Perel describes in Mating in Captivity: our need for security pulls one way and our need for freedom and novelty pulls the other. Apps and social media simply give that tension new, faster formats.
Family 1: how things end
Ghosting
Stopping all contact without explanation.
The psychology: conflict avoidance. Ending things face to face triggers guilt and discomfort; silence postpones both. For the person ghosted, the lack of closure keeps the mind searching for reasons.
Orbiting
Disappearing from conversation but still watching your stories or liking posts.
The psychology: keeping a low-cost connection open, often from curiosity or ambivalence.
Zombieing
A ghost who reappears, often months later, as if nothing happened.
The psychology: loneliness, boredom or regret, rarely accompanied by accountability.
Family 2: living in limbo
Situationship
A romantic or sexual connection that has never been defined.
The psychology: both people may avoid the "what are we?" talk, one fearing rejection, the other fearing commitment. It can work if both truly want the same thing; it hurts when expectations quietly differ.
Breadcrumbing
Occasional flirty messages that never lead to plans.
The psychology: seeking validation or keeping options open, with intermittent attention that, like a variable reward, keeps the other person hooked.
Benching
Keeping someone "in reserve" while pursuing others.
The psychology: choice overload and fear of missing a better option.
Family 3: too much, too fast
Love bombing
Overwhelming affection, gifts and future talk very early on.
The psychology: sometimes simple over-enthusiasm; in some cases a control tactic. Watch whether the intensity respects your pace and boundaries.
Rizz
Slang for charm or flirting skill; Oxford's 2023 Word of the Year.
The psychology: charisma reads as confidence, but early charm says little about long-term reliability.
The ick
A sudden, often trivial turn-off that ends attraction.
The psychology: sometimes genuine incompatibility, sometimes an avoidant reflex that kicks in as things get closer.
Family 4: the counter-trends
Slow dating
Fewer matches, longer conversations, deliberate pacing.
The psychology: a direct response to choice overload and swipe fatigue.
Intentional dating
Being explicit about what you want from the first conversation.
The psychology: reduces ambiguity, the fuel of anxiety.
Offline meet-ups
Run clubs, supper clubs and singles events as alternatives to the apps.
The psychology: shared activity and repeated contact, which psychologists call the mere-exposure effect, build attraction naturally.
What to do with all these labels
Use them as mirrors, not weapons. It is easy to diagnose a date as a breadcrumber; it is more useful to ask whether you have ever kept someone on the bench yourself. The point of naming patterns is to make better choices: asking earlier, ending clearer, and giving people the clarity you'd like to receive.
If you've been ghosted
Allow yourself to feel it, then resist the urge to explain it. One brief closing message is fine; chasing answers rarely brings them.
If you're in a situationship
Ask yourself what you'd want if fear weren't a factor. Then ask them. Either answer gives you something to act on.
If you tend to ghost
A two-sentence closing message takes thirty seconds and spares someone weeks of wondering. See our communication module for wording.